Seeds for the Soul


How to heal a betrayal?

Acabo de descubrir que desde hace algún tiempo, mi esposo está con otra mujer. Siempre lo negó y mintió, pero por mis medios lo descubrí. Ahora siento literalmente que me muero; es un dolor incalculable, la traición y la mentira me envenenan y cada vez me entero de más cosas, de más situaciones, de más mentiras dichas por él y tengo rabia, frustración desengaño. ¿Qué puedo hacer?

1. Identify what is happening inside of you. In a notebook keep a running tab of the things that come up for you in your specific case, according to your situation.

a. Specify the problem you have created.

Example: My partner was unfaithful and left me for another person.

b. Identify the strongest emotion that is sparked by what you are feeling.

Example: Rage for being cheated on.

c. Identify the feelings that arise when you become associated with that thought.

Example: I can’t live alone. Life doesn’t make sense (fear).

d. Identify the thought that disturbs you.

Example: Why was that person unfaithful, when I gave him/her all my love? I hate him/ her.

e. Identify the belief that makes you feel all of the above.

Example: In marriage or in a love relationship, couples should be faithful to each other forever. Once I am joined to my partner, he or she belongs to me.

4. Experience all these thoughts, feelings and emotions in your heart to the limit; in other words, intensify them. Do not feel afraid of the pain this will cause.

5. Focus all your attention on the source of this pain.

6. Now take all these thoughts, feelings and emotions and try to perceive them as if they were not your own. Imagine all this is happening on a movie screen, and that you are just watching from your seat, without getting involved or engaged with what is happening. Simply observe things as they flow and unfold. In this way, you will begin to disassociate yourself from the pain, and you will see that all those thoughts were only created by your mind, which is contaminated by your ego. Allow this creation of your mind to disintegrate, to disappear; release it and let it go. Understand that you are not that feeling or that emotion; you are not that pain. Simply observe it and let it disintegrate. The only way you can get someone out of your life is by seeing that person as he or she truly is, and not by the way you have created him or her in your mind. At that moment you will see the truth because you will be able to understand what is really happening, and once this occurs, the other person will be out of your life for good.

For example: “I live happily and feel fortunate to be enjoying my freedom.” Say this out loud three times every time the negative thought comes into your mind. Begin to see yourself as a being who is full of light, peace and happiness. Observe the foolish thoughts you used to associate yourself with and let them pass. From now on you must be aware that those foolish thoughts are like water and you are like a boat that floats, navigates and flows on the ocean. You must make sure that the water does not go into your vessel.

8. Each time the memory of that person comes to your mind, magnify his or her negative qualities and minimize the positive ones. This way, you will have less desire to be with that person because you will be able to see things as they really are.

9. Go back in time, before you met the person who is causing you so much harm, when life was normal, without the pain and anguish you feel now. Were you calm and relaxed? Were you content with what you had in your life back then? Peace and harmony will return to you once again and you will be able to remember the good times once more.

10. Observe and enjoy the peace you are able to experience by not having to live in dependency or in unpleasant and frustrating situations.