Seeds for the Soul


How not to suffer with someone I love, but is sick?

At times life deals us unexpected blows and confronts us with suffering and pain of our loved ones, whether caused by an illness, an accident or simply by old age. When this happens, there are two different positions: one is that of the person who is suffering, and the other is that of the people surrounding them who are involved in their daily care.

Many people have had to make great sacrifices and spend years caring for their loved ones, and as a result their own health gradually deteriorates, they get tired and their lives become hell too. These people often sacrifice who they are so as to care for a loved one and make that person happy. The sick, however, are often filled with fear which they unconsciously pass on through words and actions that make those who give them such love feel guilty or miserable.

It is to these people that I want to send a message of love and hope and give some advice so that they may find their inner peace and learn to disassociate themselves from the anguish and suffering that is caused by seeing the pain of a loved one who slowly deteriorates.

1. The first thing that you must realise is that your pain, suffering or anguish will not make your loved one better. So it makes no sense that you should suffer, because the only thing that you will achieve is to weaken yourself emotionally, and easily fall into a state of sadness, frustration, irritability or desperation.

2. When you are weak emotionally, you may easily blow a fuse and say or do things that you do not mean to, and as a result, instead of transmitting peace, love and hope to that sick person you will achieve exactly the opposite.

4. When the person who you are caring for with such love insults you, depreciates you or makes you feel guilty, it is generally so as to control or manipulate you. What you must do is to look them lovingly in the eye, and you will see that behind their expression lie hidden feelings of sadness and fear.

5. You must learn not to associate with other people’s pain, but instead to disassociate it; that is to say you must concentrate your energy in the positive nature of your care, not in the negative things you see, feel, or live. All that you do while you are with that sick person you must do joyfully, without force or tension, because otherwise you too will suffer.

6. Do not spend all your time locked up in the room with the sick person: go out, do some exercise, experience nature, and if you can, embrace a tree (preferably barefoot), however ridiculous it might seem, for that tree will attract all your negative energy just as it may attract lightening in an electrical storm.

8. The sick person will often try to blame you for their misfortune, since we are educated and programmed to always search for someone to blame for the things that happen to us. If you find yourself in this situation, instead of reacting, observe and you will see that it is not the sick person who speaks, by their wounded ego trying to emotionally blackmail you, so as to generate bonds or dependence that will keep you chained to them.

9. The most important thing is that you always give without expecting to receive anything in return, unconditionally, because if you give expecting to receive you are not in fact giving, you are lending.

10. Maintain the balance between these three dimensions: body, mind and spirit. Feed your body with healthy food and daily exercise, since your body is the temple in which God resides. Feed your mind with good personal relations, by being alert, conscious and observant, watching yourself and replacing negative thoughts and beliefs with positive ones. Focus and concentrate you energy in between your eyebrows, and with your eyes closed visualise what you want to be and achieve concretely, since this will be what you attract in your life. Feed your spirit, not only with meditation but also with service to others, since this is what will lead you to a higher consciousness.

12. Try to have and read books that inspire and comfort you, so that you may find happiness and love in all you do. If you are able to share what you learn from these books with the sick person, read, comment and share them, since when you serve and share lovingly you feed your spirit and in that moment you will open your wings and soar.

13. And the most important of all: never, never, never stop dreaming. Give your imagination wings and ground your dreams.